Return Of The King: Fantasy Power Rankings

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As week 1 of this new fantasy year comes to a close, it's time to take a long hard look at how the league is shaking out. Before we jump into the rankings, let's visit the finals from around the league!

NPC Juns vs Hutsonville Jeep Repair

The Kelce-less Juns flipped Hutsonville Jeep into the corn this week, giving Najee Doolittle severe internal cock bleeding. A strong overall performance should give the Juns confidence moving forward.


Kankakee Diggers vs Kank Btags

The reigning champ was dethroned, and Owner/GM/Fleece Master McNiggley is primed for a playoff push, despite a combined 2 points from his QB and K. Calvin Ridley immediately tried placing a bet on the Diggers playoff appearance, but was told the house only accepts Loo Coin.


DuFraud vs Illini Pantry Bandits

Duvall had 50 terabytes of draft analysis in front of him and still selected Dak Prescott. That really pisses me off! Frankly I might not even mention Duvall in these anymore. Meanwhile, the Bandits earned an easy win, off to a hot start once again. If you put Goro and Austin Ekeler in a room together right now I would not know who's who.


Gim Cummies vs 63rd Kingston Hypes

The revenge of the smitten continues with a win for Coach Hull, who pulled out the win from the grip of Gim's clenched asshole. Speaking of Gim clenching his asshole, it better stay that way if he knows what's good for him. Deeds told me she's trying out the strap on tonight...


Carmela Heinisch vs Jim Rub Gymecologists

Hooooly mid off. Down week for the Gynecologists, but I honestly think this could be Carmela's largest point output this season, his team is hot shit. He got Kupp at 9 tho.... XD faageman


POWER RANKINGS ENTERING WEEK 2:

1. Illini Pantry Banditos
2. NPC Juns
3. Kankakee Diggers
4. 63rd Kingston Hypes
5. Hutsonville Jeep Repair
6. Rick's Bricks
7. Jim Rub Gymecologists
8. Kank Tags
9. Carmela Heinisch
10. DuFraud

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.