Satan seen roaming the countryside dusk to dawn

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Eerie, but uncannily clear images of a hulking, fluidly moving humanoid figure has been captured on several cameras, cell phones and video tapes. This figure has been walking in a way that has been described as "not out of this world", "uncannily non-human trying its best to mimic human movement", "way too fluid to be a human or an animal", "possibly out of another dimension from the looks of it", "archetypal", "bordering on phantom-like", "spectral and alien at the same time", "exuding menace to the extreme" and "clearly completely, totally and utterly unconcerned what crosses its path and just as absolute in its confidence it's beyond any harm from anything".

The thing has been muttering some language, of which people have managed to catch some human-sounding phrases. "This was never meant to be." "Nothing is bad." "All being is a mistake." "No such thing as real." "Comprehension is limited." "Being woke is not enough." Sometimes the tone manages to become even more menacing for such a creature. "Perfection is in everything coming to end." "The void saves." "All things lying deep, everything is correct." "I think, therefore I feel." "Deep inside no feel, just action, way more insidious than chicken nuggets on bad MacDonalds night."

It tends to sprint, always to fade to walking in the blink of an eye. It hasn't been known to harm or kill anyone - yet, some people say - and no corpses have been found anywhere near where it's been spotted.

"It's as if it wants us to know it's there", one shocked woman told our reporter near one of the forests the thing has been spotted. "It wants to tell us something. Maybe. I don't know. It's too scary. Can't make sense of it. It's horrible. It's ridiculous."

One man shaked his man. "It's just some kids in a Halloween costume doing a prank. They're just doing it for the lulz." When asked why some kids would be able to sprint so far, the man looked offended. "Do I look like a dolt to you? Of course kids these days know how to run faster. They're superfast buggers! They adore Usain Bolt, goddammit! One of these days I'll catch them on camera." He started shaking the fist at the sky near the end of his last sentence before calming back down and asking our reporter to leave him alone.

One young man told our reporters this demonic, alien figure had come through a wall in a toilet one day. It looked barely like a man, quite a lot like Junji Ito manga he'd read recently. This thing told him how we was wasting away his life and better do something before pissing it all away, otherwise it'd be one hell of a climb back up, with extra time and energy spent in a desperate struggle to get back up. As this thing walked in the air leading him to an edge of a field, the being whispered something that sounded like "Any way you like, some may work". To the man's shock, the being walked into the field as the sun rose and faded away in plain sight. It was as if it never had been there, only the left-over subjective feeling something was to be done. He swore he had never smoked a thing.

As one couple near a forest where they'd seen a being wander about randomly and mumble things to itself said, the legend has already spread to the governmental levels. The government has leaked its plans to reveal the existence of this rather satanic being to the public at a later date, when it fits their purposes. When asked if the whole thing could be a distraction by the government from the deeper issues, actually important ones, the couple protested with quite some outrage. They suggested our reporter was the one being misled and misinformed. Besides, we'd always been at war with the Middle-East. Who knows what other countries, too? All this might distract us from this new fellow. The last word was said with clear hesitance in their voices. They were almost quivering with dread, awe, shock, all the same time. It was almost as if an otherworldly force was preparing to take them over. But they had everything they needed to call off such bullshit. They refused to specify and asked our reporter to leave and never come back. They repeated one last time: We've always been at war with the world.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.