Local ballet instructor arrested after attempting to steal Britney Spears CD from Walmart
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
2059 4444 Shares
(Flint) a local ballet instructor was arrested and charged with larceny yesterday after he was caught attempting to steal a Britney Spears CD from the Walmart Supercenter on Corunna Road. Kolman allegedly tried to walk out of the Walmart store with the CD as well as six tubes of denture adhesive and three mangos, which he hid in his tutu. Jeff Kolman, who runs the Twinkletoes School of Ballet, had raised suspicion prior to that when he was seen running through the Walmart store while wearing a pink tutu and harassing other patrons.
"He ran up to me and asked me if I wanted some gum," Michelle Johnson said of her encounter with Kolman. "And then he did some sort of weird ballerina twirl and repeated the word ‘guuuuum’ over and over again. To be honest, I see a lot of weirdos in Walmart, it is Walmart after all. But seeing some guy dancing in the aisles of Walmart wearing a tutu while stuffing mangos in his panties certainly takes the cake.”
Other shoppers noted that at one point Kolman also went up to a male shopper and touched his arms while saying "ohhh what rippling muscles."
When apprehended by Walmart security Kolman denied stealing the mangos although he admitted that he put the Britney Spears CD in his ‘butt’.
“I won’t lie, we occasionally get people who try and steal CDs” store manager John Wilson said of the arrest. “But I never saw a guy stick a CD in his butt. Not his butt cheeks. He literally stuck Britney Spears all the way up his butt...sideways. It’s the craziest thing I ever saw.”
Kolman subsequently confessed to stealing the denture adhesive. According to the criminal complaint Kolman told officers that he felt compelled to steal it due to the fact that he had "no teef."
Kolman was also charged with concealing identity when he told officers that his name was Bruno.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.