CALLS FOR SANTA TO RESIGN IN WAKE OF HARASSMENT ALLEGATIONS

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North Pole, Canada-Several accusations of inappropriate behavior by Santa Claus were revealed today. An unidentified woman claims Santa kissed her in front of her child, under the mistletoe last night. Several children claimed they were forced upon his lap and bribed with promises of gifts. Another woman has claimed that Claus stalked her when she was sleeping, and while she was awake. "Every time he comes to town I have to watch out." Two other women report that they were called "hos" no less than three times each in front of their children at a shopping mall.

Workers at Santa's workshop confirm he "seems to have a creepy obsession with whose been naughty and nice." Rumors that a special list of Naughty and Nice, kept by Claus, may be released by Wikileaks by December 24th drew concerns of the cancellation of Christmas.

An attorney representing Mr. Claus released a statement earlier today. "He's shocked at these accusations. He's become very depressed. He no longer believes in himself."

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