New Research Connects Central Pennsylvanians with TMI's 1979 Radiation Leak to Confused Sporting Allegience

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A recent report released by the U.S. Census Bureau revealed disturbing results for Central Pennsylvanians who live or have ancestors who lived with 25 miles of TMI and are fans of unorthodox sporting teams.

Excerpts from the report suggest that Central Pennsylvanian residents who have zero ties to sporting teams, not located within the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, may have been exposed to too much radiation during TMI's partial meltdown in 1979.

"We understand that through the years there is a strong desire to bandwagon to teams that are playing well, but our research has overwhelming evidence that suggests brain matter of residents may have been damaged symbolized by a few overwhelming and unorthodox cities and teams with zero tie to the mid-state," said U.S. Census Bureau Scientist Ryan Moyer. "The damage appeared most strong with residents who confusingly identified themselves as fans of teams such as Notre Dame, the Dallas Cowboys, New York Yankees or New England to name a few."

A full report is expected to be released by the Census Bureau later this year.

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