Woman Gets Jail Sentence of 2 Years for Allegedly Massaging Boyfriend's Penis With Absorbine

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A Detroit woman was sentenced to two years in jail on one count of assault after police say she allegedly rubbed Absorbine pain relief gel onto her boyfriend's penis. Symaria Browning, 26, admitted to rubbing the topical analgesic onto 28 year-old Hassan Reeves' penis after a verbal altercation at their Detroit home on August 3, 2017. Reeves told police that the two got into a heated argument around 11pm that night. Afterwards Reeves went to bed. He awoke around 2am after he felt a burning sensation in his genital area. A concerned Reeves then called paramedics. When paramedics arrived and examined Reeves, it was determined that a topical analgesic was heavily applied to his penis and testicles. Reeves told police that he assumed Browning was responsible for this because he had gone to sleep. Browning had left the home before police and paramedics arrived. She was later spotted leaving a nearby IHOP around 4am and was arrested. Reeves told police that Browning was severely intoxicated at the time of the incident.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.