Red Sox To Hire Neal Giordano as Coach

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The Boston Red Sox fired manager John Farrell Wednesday morning and now it's up to club president Dave Dombrowski to hire the next clubhouse leader.

The search is apparently over. Team owner John Henry moved quickly to fill the void with the splashy signing of a relative unknown: Neal Giordano.

"Neal brings a wealth of experience to our team, and we feel like we got our guy. His unparalleled leadership as a youth baseball coach should easily resonate with our players, and his short fuse will likely win over any difficult attitudes in no time," Henry said.

Former all-world Red Sox icon David Ortiz issued a statement of approval yesterday: "Yeah, he's a good dude."

Giordano will have his work cut out for him, in taking over a team that has won the AL East the last two years, but has also exited the playoffs in the first round both years as well.

Former player Jim Rice was confused with regard to the hiring, issuing a cryptic one-word statement: "Who?"

Attempts to reach Giordano by phone were unsuccessful. The AP later found out that he was busy eating a meatball grinder at Firehouse Subs, and didn't want to be bothered. His phone was turned off, shortly after.

The Boston Globe announced that the Red Sox will hold a press interview at 9:00 Monday, as the team introduces its new skipper. The interview had been scheduled for this morning, but the AP has learned that Giordano has been detained by Boston police for an early-morning road rage incident. He will be released on his own recognance, as it is widely assumed that the Boston fan base will be a much harsher sentence than time served.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.