Trump, Republicans ban all ball-based sports from White House televisions.

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AP — In what is being described on social media as "an unprecedented political decree", the president banned all "ball-related" sports on all White House televisions. The original Twitter posts, which has since been deleted, POTUS called out several NFL and NBA players, claiming that players without appropriate reproductive parts should not be allowed to play any sport, but called out "ball-related" sports specifically.

Shan Nash, White House resident sports analyst, described the scene as "A mess...[He] just kept walking around the room, groping at the crotch parts of paintings and grunting." Several witnesses confirm that the President, who has been under fire recently for comments about professional sports organizations, produced a jar of mustard from a nearby desk and proceeded to empty it into his pants. "Not like [His] pockets, but right into the pants themselves. It was like some sort of strange display of sexual dominance," one bystander, who wishes to stay anonymous, reports.

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