Man dresses up as a tree to lure in children
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There is a known criminal going around, disguising himself and his accomplice as trees in order to lure children into his sex dungeon. He has been recorded by witnesses as having curly grey hair and speaks with a strong southern accent. His accomplice, while still speaking in a strong southern accent, has a notably higher voice pitch, almost that of a 10-13 year old. We have reports that he commonly uses the phrase “on your knees soldier”. If you have any ideas or tips about their whereabouts, contact your local police stations, and DO NOT APPROACH, as these suspects have been noted as armed and dangerous.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.