Cook Country Considering Oxygen Tax to Balance Budget Deficits

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CHICAGO - In a continued search for more revenue, Cook County commissioners are proposing a new oxygen tax to fill gaps in the current budget deficit. Mayor Rahm Emanuel had asked aldermen to bring forth ideas to generate more revenue in light of a massive pension payment that's coming due, and so 12th Ward Ald. George Cardenas, who is City Council Health Committee chairman, revived his "Don't Hold You Breath" tax proposal.

The tax would apply to Cook County residents that are currently breathing and want to continue to do so. Mayor Emanuel offered support for the proposal with the following statement. "Every year, we see the destructive effects of oxygen on our population. Oxygen is known to fuel fires and oxygen is required to fire a bullet from a gun. This new tax would be an effective measure to limit the devastation brought by handguns and arson each year. "

Saul Sassoboro, of Cicero, was fueling up at a truck stop in Northlake on Wednesday morning, breathing oxygen, and offered the following comment on the newly proposed tax. "Are they fucking nuts??"

While a few aldermen remain reluctant to support the new tax, momentum for the measure appears to be growing.

~ Breaking News 365 Reporter Kyle Strbiak contributed to this story.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.