Tom Brady Set to Announce Retirement

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The legendary New England Patriots quarterback, Tom Brady, made it official. That's right. Tom Brady has retired from football immediately.

The shocking announcement came at 1;13 this afternoon in Brookline, Massachusetts, where Brady assembled a small group of local sports writers. According to Brady, "The time is right to open a a new chapter in my life. I'm handsome and healthy. I have a loving wife, and I would just prefer to spend my time with Giselle and pursue our love of American folk arts and crafts, and quilting."

It appears, though, that this may not be the whole story. Brady also said that in his seventeen years with the Patriots, and with Head Coach, Bill Belichik, "Coach never once asked me over to dinner at his house." When asked about rumors that Belichik planned to trade Brady to prove that it was he, Coach Belicik, and not Brady who was mainly responsible for the Patriots' winning ways, Brady said "Yeah. Yeah, that actually plays a very big role here. Belichik is a bitter, little man."

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.