Man Dies at Local Florida Spring
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Saturday July 29, 2017, man was ripped from his kayak by a 12 ft man eater. This unlucky guy was last heard saying "Dope Dope Dope". Bystander, Sealey Verhoff, stated that he's saddened by the event but the gator would "look good hanging on the wall" in his living room. Man's wife stated that he showed concern in a text group earlier in the week about his fears of the gators in the creek but she laughed at him. Locals call the alligator Michael Jackson because he preys on little boys. Donald Trump's condolences go out to the family and friends. Anyone with any information regarding the whereabouts of this dangerous animal, please contact Sealey.
RIP Mr. P.
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