Jeff Cooper Named Oregon's Deputy Superintendent of Public Education

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AP--Salem

In a stunning move, Governor Kate Brown has replaced current Deputy Superintendent Salam Noor, who has held the position since 2015, with Jeff Cooper, an educator unemployed since 2004. "Noor has served Oregon students very well during his tenure," Brown told an audience of Oregon educators attending a summer ISTE Conference "but Cooper brings a fresh vision vital to the needs of 21st Century students."

Cooper, who in recent years has driven drunks in his local Forest Grove town, seemed simultaneously stunned and pleased by the announcement. "I'm simultaneously stunned and pleased." Cooper continued "My agenda is simple and clear: bring education into the 21st Century. Give the students and teachers support they need to ensure active engagement and empower all role players, especially the parents." In order to achieve these goals Cooper offered a "to do list":

1. Provide necessary technology and support for all K-12 families and classrooms.
2. Opt out of "standards based learning" and enable educators to have greater curricular freedom.
3. Authorize "authentic assessment methods" including (but not limited to) digital portfolios for all students, accessible by the teacher, student, parent, and others these stakeholders wish to add.
4. Rejuvenate vocational education at all levels; include elementary students in "Problem Based Learning" as well as "Project Based Learning" which may include money making ventures for their school.
5. Facilitate international multilingual collaborative learning, utilizing virtual worlds which permit speech to text, instant translation, and textural logs.

"It's time to bring education into the 21st Century; I am the human who has the vision to do it. I'm also really looking forward to meeting with Secretary of Education Betsy Devos, so I can biyatch slap her. In this endeavor I will listen to the students, teachers, and parents as to how hard." Cooper concluded his speech by high-fiving Governor Brown and giving a power salute to the ISTE audience.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.