Oklahoma Outlaws New Battery Use in Adult Toys

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

2059 74847 Shares

In a move that has stunned adults everywhere, the Oklahoma legislature has outlawed the use of regular batteries in adult toys. A recent study compiled by the group "Conservative Options Concerning Kinetic Selection" or COCKS for short - has determined that battery consumption related to adult toys has a carbon footprint too large to ignore. COCKS has demanded that only rechargeable batteries be used for said toys.

COCKS spokesperson and Vice President Connie Lingus talked with News 11 about it after the bill passed. "We did the math. We studied the habits of adults in Oklahoma and determined that more than 50 of adults engage in immoral behavior involving toys which require batteries. It is simply alarming how many batteries are required to maintain that much sexual activity" Ms Lingus stated.

They believe this huge demand for new batteries is draining the economy of Oklahoma. Ms Lingus went on to question "What if we reduced the need for new batteries by 50 by replacing them with rechargeable batteries? After 4 recharges, the additional cost of purchasing rechargeable batteries would be overcome by saving versus purchasing new batteries. This could provide a cost savings of millions of dollars to the state while possibly reducing sexually immoral behavior."

Apparently the Oklahoma Legislature was persuaded to believe the argument COCKS presented. As of September 30, 2017, according to Oklahoma State Statute 69-71, it will become a misdemeanor for anyone to purchase a new battery for use in an adult toy and punishable by up to 4 days in jail and/or a $311 fine.

News 11 contacted several major manufacturers of new batteries for a comment but the response was generally the same. None showed any interest in governing nor helping to govern the used of their product in adult toys. COCKS is now pursuing retailers operating in Oklahoma to enforce this new law.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.