Supernatural Sightings of strange and unusual seshing species.

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There have been reported sightings of a rare breed of bear spotted amongst the people of North Wales. The Moon bear is most commonly found ...on the moon...but recent reports from the staff at Sainsburrys have stated that Matthew Rodgers is actually a Moon Bear in disguise. There are also reports of this rare breed of bear being seen traveling to and from unknown locations accross the county of Gwynedd. Dezmond the moon bear is said to only eat cereal and mangos, and plays an excessive amount of Warframe and is believed to play minecraft with another creature which we will come too later.
The Moon Bear or Dezmond to some, seemingly gathers with other creatures. One by the name of Brandon Owen or also known as Sassy the Sasquatch, Duey or cunt. Sassy has been recorded on stage performing comedy gigs in various places and to most is funny and a good laugh but be be warned Sassys mannerisms and speech is contagious, as you may find yourself talking like this phenomenally insane creature. These two crazy critters (Dez and Brandon) are often seen together laughing uncontrolably or going nuts over inside jokes. Other species within this group include a noodley oompa lumpa by the name of Chloe, Chiauah, bitch or 'oh fuck it's her'. The Chloe is often quiet and shy when around unfamiliar people but according to an inside source The Chloe can be a loud, giggly kind of creature... She is short, curly haired and very annoying. If anyone does happen to encounter her please call the Psychiatric help line or report her to the hospital to put her back in Pshyc where The Chloe belongs. Noodles is most commonly found playing Minecraft either alone or with her cohort Dezmond the Moon Bear, it is speculated that both spend many many hours playing this game, cut off from society.
We have multiple reports of a beautifully morphed creature known as Phellen, to the mundane eye they are simply Phil and Ellen but an elite Group known as Gen 2 knows them as one being 'Phellen'.
All of these rare species are harmless and won't attack unless Sassy is confronted with Pineapple or The Phellen see dabbing within they're residence, the only advice we can give in these circumstances is to run, run far away and never return... Unless you bring food and shots of course.
There are many many other species and wonderful creatures amoung Gen 2, find out more on the marvellous wonders of the world in next weeks news report.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.