Hillary Clinton Denies Allegations of Butt-Chugging Dextromethorphan

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PENSACOLA, FL— Hillary Clinton plans to return to Michigan on Monday, the final day of campaigning before Election Day, as her campaign seeks to quell allegations of anally ingesting prescription cough medicine.

Shortly after the New York Times first reported on an investigation into the illegal use by Clinton of Dextromethorphan, Wikileaks confirmed Clinton emailed Cheryl Mills, a longtime Clinton aide who served as her chief of staff at the State Department, requests for industrial-sized quantities of Tussionex Pennkinetic or "lean."

It turns out that dextromethorphan (DXM) – A cough suppressant commonly found in over-the-counter cold medicines like Robitussin and Dimetapp – produces an almost hallucinogenic high when butt-chugged in large doses. It can also lead to loss of motor control, dizziness, seizures and hallucinations, among other serious problems.

This could explain some of the symptoms Clinton has exhibited on the campaign trail even though campaign manager John Podesta denies the allegations. Although Clinton admits to using wine enemas in her sorority years, she insists that those days are behind her.

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