Bourke's persistence eventually lands him the ride

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

2059 86381 Shares

After months of spooning and cuddling, MIC student and all-round ladies man Sean Bourke (20) has finally joined the elite group of men who have partaken in the physical act of love. Speaking to us exclusively after cloitus, Bourke exclaimed: "It was like all my Christmas', birthdays, communions and confirmations came at once. It was like the first bite out of a chicken wrap that my dear friend Darren Browne had prepared for me. It was exhilarating. My knees ached and my heart almost burst. It was a revelation." Bourke received a standing ovation upon returning to apartment 118, and also received a series of congratulatory tweets from across the world. Barack Obama personally took time out of his schedule to congratulate the Grenagh clubman: "Shoutout to my main hoe Sean who finally got out of his bollucksin and dipped the wick, fair play lad." Scariff native and underwear model Shane Corry also expressed his joy on Twitter: "It is with utter elation I send my love to Sean Bourke on losing his flower, just a pity that it wasn't me that was on the receiving end of his magic wand."

Years may pass before Bourke repeats this feat, but the history books have now been written and his name will echo throughout the wall of fame. From the banks of Ponchatrain to the fields of Athenry, every man, woman and child will be filled with pride and reverence for the legend that is, Sean Bourke.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.