Devient Ez-Football Star Nick Kryvicky Escapes Police Arrest by Winning Beer Shot-gunning Contest

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Nick Kryvicky subject at large (still not found) was last spotted stealing a 30 packed case of Budweiser from Fine Liquors. According to surveillance cameras, after police confrontation Kryvicky challenged them to a shot gunning contest. They quickly accepted and unfortunately stood no chance against the 10-inch tongued teen, as the suspect was released after 2.6 seconds. "It was just so tempting" said the police officer when he radioed in after the incident, "my manhood was in question".

At 2am Police received another report of a Kryvicky sighting. This time he was spotted behind la Victoria Taqueria shot gunning another 30 rack, and was identified by one witness because of his "glowing white skin" and "large genitalia". When asked to give word on the nights events, the witness admitted, "he really did have a big dick". "I have no idea how that bastard made it all the way to Almaden, but we can't underestimate the full capabilities of this man. Both the LGPD and SJPD have joined forces to tract the culprit down" warns one Police Officer. Kryvicky's where about a are currently unknown. Please call 911 if you see anything suspicious

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.