Linroy C Simon arrested for Oral Sex

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A Cruz man has been arrested & charged with assault for eating his girlfriend's vagina and causing her to have a seizure and hit her head on a night stand next to their bed. Cruz police say that upon arriving on the scene, Linroy Simon greeted them at the door with a "creamy" white substance dripping from his beard. When asked about the creamy substance, he replied "that's too much sauce" and then decline from making further comments.

Cruz police attempted to speak with the victim but she is was unable to speak due to head trauma. However, the victim was able to write a statement regarding the incident where she detailed just how vicious this crime was.

According to the victim's statement, Linroy Simon brutally punished her vagina with hundreds of tongue thrusts after inserting 2 fingers inside of her and then used his fingers to force her to orgasm in then most violent way possible, via G-spot stimulation.

Cruz police recovered a pink dildo from the scene of the crime, which also dripped of the same creamy substance that appeared in Mr. Simon beard.

Our reporters spoke with a few of Linroy's neighbors who say they aren't shocked about what happened. One neighbor stated that although they've never spoken with Linroy, they all knew his name because the victim would scream his name quite often, whenever he brutally punished her vagina, which apparently happened at least 3-4 times per week.

Linroy Simon will appear in court today to face the heinous allegations.

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This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.